I don’t love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful.
I’ve never been this happy. Thank you God for blessing me this much! :”>
To my greatest heartbreaker…
As I write this, tears are flowing in my eyes and falling for the fourth time after we drifted apart. For how many times, I’ve told myself that I’m not supposed to be the one in this position, but this unexplainable sensation deep within my heart is screwing up…again. When will this nonsense flashback of memories will stop? If only it is possible that one could set an expiration date upon staying in love with the person who already told you straightforwardly that he is no longer in love with you and ditched you and messed up with you and left you with all those bittersweet memories and a pathetic pain that fades away, but eventually goes back and makes you feel damaged every time. Up until now, I can’t help but ask myself, “Where did I even go wrong?” Where exactly?
I’ve trusted you so much without knowing that in the very end, I’ll be the one who’s going to suffer. I loved you without any hesitations of what other people might say and even with what’s going to happen next. I loved you because I was happy with you. I loved you that’s why I got to surpass my fears and doubts to tell my family about us. I was so serious with what we had, but what did you do? I’m mad at you. Obviously. All the reasons why have been slapped all over my face.
But you know what? Here’s the catch.
All of the people around me tells me that you don’t anymore deserve anything from me. The love, the care, the pity, and the concern that I still have for you because everything was all your fault and you chose to ruin all of the things that mattered between the two of us. There were times that I want to approach you and ask you if you’re okay and stuff like that. I dread the fact that I still worry about you. After all, you afford to be lonely. To be all alone. You kept on pushing away people who once aimed to help you and care about you. But what’s with you? PRIDE? EGO? IMMATURITY? Do you think that will make you happy?
I hope, it is not too late for you when you finally realize these things. I remember those times when you kept on telling me that you want a change for yourself. Wasn’t that for the betterment? Then why are you getting worse? It’s just so sad that after all, you still don’t get your lesson.
I’m feeling sad for you. You’re adding more complications to your life when there are just simple solutions in line for you.
I still can’t give you my forgiveness at this moment. Perhaps, someday. It cannot be forced, can it be? I’m still deeply wounded. But I know, in God’s perfect time, this wound will fade away as if nothing happened.
I don’t have any idea if you are having regrets with everything that you did. Honestly, I’m really wishing you do. Well, you should be.
- Thank you for showing up the REAL you as early as our 3rd month.
- Thanks for setting me free. I’m living a much-much better life now. I’m in the prelude of pursuing my aspirations.
- Lastly, thank you for making me STRONGER and BRAVER than I once was.
I don’t know if that “3 month rule" makes sense or whatever, but just in case, we’re a few weeks closer from the 3rd month after we broke up and I would end this up stating that… "I TRULY LOVED THE PERSON WHOM I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE.”